A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
Without Having to Talk About It
Become a Powerful Man
It would seem that many of the problems we face in relationships can be solved less by focusing on the relationship and more by focusing on ourselves. In Doug Holt’s, A Man’s Guide On How To Save Your Marriage Without Having To Talk About it, this very point is repeatedly illustrated. Granted, the author does provide a few techniques and skills specifically geared towards healing past trauma and improving connection, the majority of the work focuses on being what the author refers to as a “Powerful Man”. Within this framework, as we could call it, a lot of emphasis is placed on the psychology of the masculine and feminine energies along with the alpha and beta roles. In modern society, these roles continue to become mixed, blurred, confused, and/or forgotten – Holt encourages men to step back into their role and lead from a place of clarity and power.
Take Ownership of the Past
Wherever you find yourself in life, there is always an opportunity to take ownership of how you got there. This isn’t to state that in some cases someone or something (nature) may be to blame for a portion of your hardship. Instead, it is the practice of stepping into the place where you have the opportunity to grow. The only place we have real control is over our own actions, therefore, this is what we can take ownership of. One technique that I found to be extremely impactful was The Clean Slate Method. This method, adapted from T.W. Jackson, the creator of The Magic of Making Up course, provides the psychology and steps behind writing a letter to your partner in which you take ownership of your past behaviors as well as the “rift” in the relationship. Most importantly, this isn’t done with the expectation that your partner will reciprocate, you are simply cleaning up “your side of the street”.
A Source of Inspiration
I often tell clients, “your work is my work.” This statement is meant to capture the fact that my personal growth is both inspired and nurtured through my one-on-one coaching. All too often during sessions, when reflecting a client’s thoughts and digging deeper with a “probing” question, I see their story as a reflection of my own. As such, the same question I ask of them, I am left to ask of myself. Of course, my personal reflection must wait until later when our session is complete, but the proverbial rock has been turned over. Further, in hearing of client’s experiences, especially those that have had positive and profound impact, I am left with the curiosity to explore more. That said, this is exactly how I came to read this book. Not by a recommendation, not by finding it through organic search results, rather through connecting with a man who had engaged in a group coaching program with the author…. And I’m glad I did.
A few of my favorite quotes from the book!
The Pivot, was really when I went from victimhood blaming my wife and the external things outside of me, to taking full ownership of all that I could control.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
If you can say something to make me angry and lose control, then you do, in fact, have control over me and my emotions.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
Many wives feel their husbands have become like big kids they have to take care of. Their husbands are always asking them for permission to do this or that. Just like her children, he seems helpless without her guidance.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
Being a nice guy, you decide to comply to make her happy. And although she asked for it, this is not what she ever wanted.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
It’s our ego’s job to protect us. It will come up with all kinds of reasons why you shouldn’t take action.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
You get inspired to change because you know it’s the best move and then you do nothing because that is the safe thing to do.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
It’s in defending that we are communicating that we are subservient to the other person.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
Engaged indifference is the art of being engaged in a conversation or in the moment while also being indifferent to the outcome.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
You have to be willing to make a change, to go all in, before a change can actually occur.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
When you’re looking backward the entire time, trying to drive forward to get where you want to go, you will inevitably crash.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
Your wife doesn’t want you to solve her problems. She just wants you to listen.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
Women MUST unload. A woman that isn’t able to unload becomes irritable, kinda like a volcano ready to erupt. Who do you think she erupts onto?Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
It's your job as the man to observe your partner, see what she’s doing in her natural environment, and then love her in how she gives it. This is how she’s going to feel desired by you.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
In every set of two people, there will always be an alpha and a beta. You get to decide which role you’re going to play.Doug Holt : A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage
Get it today on Amazon!
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