The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
(Toltec Wisdom Series)
No Secrets Here
Although the title is “The Seven Secrets of Healthy, Happy Relationships”, the authors openly admit there are no “secrets” within the pages of the book. Instead, they hold to the presupposition that these “Secrets” are known, understood, and that through our own awareness and reflection we would discover them within our innate and connected wisdom. Personally, I found this book to be less of an “ah hah”, type of read, and more so of a “am I doing this” kind of read. In other words, this book is a big accountability check… along with some great exercises, affirmations, and habits to help foster improved communication and culture more unconditional love.
Begin With Yourself
Much of the book places emphasis on the individual; on awareness, accountability, and self-love. After all, how can we expect our relationships to change, if the individuals within it do not? This is not to say that the book falls short in any way of providing tools and exercises for couples. However, it is to emphasize that the success of any tools or exercises are dependent on each partner's willingness to first and foremost take responsibility and ownership of their personal emotions, choices, and actions. It is also the matter of acknowledging that we are both whole and are not “completed” by our partners, instead we are on a journey together, each with our own freedom and individualit
Powerful Questions
As a Life Coach, powerful questions are the #1 tool used to help our clients. When paired with authentic curiosity and without attachment to the answer, amazing discoveries are often the outcome. Without giving too much of the valuable content away, I would love to share a particular set of questions that I find quite powerful.
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- What am I afraid of in this situation?
- What is it that I want to happen now?
Of course, these two questions can be utilized outside of a relationship and applied elsewhere, but in considering communication with our partners, especially conflict, this is where I see profound power. Plain and simple, conflict is a disagreement on what should happen, how something should be. So, having clarity on exactly what it is that you are wanting is clearly important, however it's when paired with the first question that this clarity on our desire holds true value. The first question addresses our fear, which is most likely a place of attachment for us. If we can understand this fear, then possibly we can let go of our attachment and along with it our “charge”. Without the attachment to the outcome, a disagreement becomes exactly that… the conflict is gone, and what may have been an argument or worse can remain in a production realm of conversation.
A few of my favorite quotes from the book!
(...) relationships don’t make themselves or continue on autopilot once they begin.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
(...) when you accept responsibility, you reclaim your power by realizing that at the very least you have a choice in how you respond to life’s situations.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
We may not choose our circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
Relationships thrive when both partners feel free and when there is room to grow and stretch in new and fascinating ways.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
(...) we don’t know what is best for anyone else, even when we have their best interests at heart.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
Every time you say no to someone else you are also saying yes to yourself.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
(...) there is no difference between sharing or receiving a yes or a no; they are both simply responses that you can give or receive openheartedly.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
If you are always in agreement, it probably means that one or the other of you is not saying what is true in order to keep the peace.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
Embracing and admitting that we don’t know is a much better place to be than believing the stories our mind is creating.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
(...) since it takes two to tango, it only takes one person to end the dance of conflict.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
(...) until we know ourselves and deal with what we find, it is very difficult to form a true partnership with another human being.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
(...) vulnerability’s bark is much worse than its bite.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
When we remain quiet in order to keep others “happy” at the expense of our own truth, we trade our integrity for our partner’s comfort.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
(..) oftentimes the way to get your partner to really listen to you is to go deeper in your listening to them.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
When you find yourself in the midst of criticism or blame, recall the teaching “my partner is my mirror,” as whatever you are attributing to your partner is often in you too.-- Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., Heatherash Amara : The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships
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