The Way of the Superior Man
A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
He is Purpose Driven
Of everything that author David Deida touches on regarding masculinity, knowing your deepest purpose and aligning your actions to it is a central theme. As masculine men, Deida points out in recurring fashion the damage and chaos that is welcomed into our lives when we veer from this path. Not only does he go into great detail how this impacts our relationship with the feminine, he paints the picture of how every domain of our lives is negatively impacted through this misalignment.
What is a man’s purpose? Well that is something each man must discover himself. In fact, he illustrates that throughout our lives we continually pierce through layers of superficial purposes in an effort to reach and discover our deepest purpose. He postulates that throughout our lives we have chapters in which we feel pulled and have a strong desire/passion to “walk” a particular path. However, in time, that path may no longer hold the same allure. According to Deida, we have moved through this purpose and now must await a vision for our next. By remaining open to our next calling and maintaining alignment in our actions, we can eventually pierce to our core and discover our deepest purpose.
Our Woman’s Gift to Us
A woman’s “testing” is often misunderstood by men as unnecessary chaos, or worse, personal attacks!. But what Deida points toward is a deeper truth: her emotional intensity is not random, it is revealing. She feels where you are out of alignment before you are willing to admit it. If you’ve drifted from your purpose, softened your edge, settled into comfort instead of growth – her “gift” is coming. It may feel like an attack, it may feel chaotic, it may even be unconscious on her part – but her “gift” is coming.
The shift, then, is to stop seeing the chaos of the feminine as something to solve or deal with, rather to recognize it as a compass to align our action, a test to strengthen our will, and an opportunity to practice our love. The way you respond to her energy is the same way you will respond to the world. Pressure, unpredictability, resistance—these are not unique to your relationship, they are the conditions of a meaningful life. Her “tests” are not detours from your path – they are preparation for it. Embrace them and they will keep you honest, they will call you back when you veer, and they will confront the parts of you that would otherwise go unchallenged.
Big Lessons in Bite Sized Servings
If you are anything like me, you find it difficult – and at times frustrating – to stop reading mid-chapter. Although each chapter of a book plays a part in the “complete” story, in many ways each chapter is encapsulated and is like a story within a story, or a lesson within a course. At times, authors will include sub-sections or sub-headings within a chapter, creating logical points to step away, while at other times it feels as if the only logical place to stop is the end of the chapter.
Have you ever found yourself flipping forward to determine how many pages are left in a chapter? Do you do it before even starting the chapter? I for one am quite guilty as I like to establish what I’m committing to before starting. For example, if it's later in the evening and the next chapter is 30 pages, I’m likely going to put the book down for the evening, but if it is 6-8 pages… I just might be in!
In The Way Of The Superior Man, David Deida has found a way to provide powerful content in “bite-sized” servings. Each chapter is in essence a short essay, two-three pages on average. The book is divided into eight parts and fifty-one chapters. This format makes for a great daily ritual. Even if you aren’t a “big” reader, if you can simply open this book and allocate five minutes of your morning or evening, In less than two months you will have completed it. Not only will you have completed it, but each day you will have consumed a lesson that was whole and complete in and of itself. Although the book builds, you could easily pick up and read any chapter with no previous context. As such, as I move on to my next book, I am concurrently reading this a second time – one chapter a day!
A few of my favorite quotes from the book!
Fear is a lack of trust in now. Fear is saying “no” to some aspect of the present moment.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Don’t believe in the myth of “one day when everything will be different.” Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you’ve been born to do now.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much. The love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Your edge is where you stop short, or where you compromise your fullest gift, and instead, cater to your fears.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Admit to yourself that if you had to choose one or the other, the perfect intimate relationship or achieving your highest purpose in life, you would choose to succeed at your purpose.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Neither woman or world are predictable. They will often seem to resist your gifts and test your capacity to persist.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
A man’s capacity to receive another man’s direct criticism is a measure of his capacity to receive masculine energy. If he doesn’t have a good relationship to masculine energy then he will act like a woman and be hurt or defensive rather than make use of other men's criticism.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Good friends should not tolerate mediocrity in one another.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Without a conscious life-purpose a man is totally lost, drifting, adapting to events rather than creating events.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
It is as if your deepest purpose is at the center of your being, and it is surrounded by layers of concentric circles, each circle being a lesser purpose. Your life consists of penetrating each circle, from the outside toward the center.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
It is important to open yourself to a vision of what is next. You stay open to a vision of your deeper purpose by not filling your time with distractions.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Don’t use your family as an excuse to be less than you can be.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Tasks are important, but no amount of duties adds up to love, freedom or full consciousness. You cannot do enough, nor can you do the right things, so that you will finally feel complete.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
The masculine means what it says. A man’s word is his honor. The feminine says what it feels. A woman’s word is her true expression in the moment.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
The masculine priority is purpose and direction. By analyzing your purpose and re-aligning your direction, you can solve many of your emotional problems.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
The way you relate to your woman’s chaos reflects the way you react to the chaos of the world.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
The game of life is to find each situation workable.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Self-discipline is not self-suppression. Suppression is when you resist and fight against your desires, keeping them as buried and unexpressed as possible. Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
All masculine goals – at work, on the mediation cushion, or on the football field – are directed toward more freedom.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Life itself is the feminine. There is never a shortage of feminine energy, only a resistance to receiving, trusting, and embracing it.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
Familiarity breeds depolarization, and depolarization breeds contempt amongst lovers.David Deida : The Way of the Superior Man
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